Photo by Silvine Photography
I know I have been missing. I have been having a great time enjoying... being in love. I will start from the beginning, because I would love to read about it again and again.
In February of 2014 I was looking for work, as a model, I was looking to expand my experience and build my body of work to include speaking, performance, and whatever other visual work that I could do.
I was recruited by a photographer, a young man who seemed nice. He could talk my ear off. He told me about how he was recently married and how he became closer to God and was looking to spread his message through rap music. Due to my belief in "poetry as prayer" I completely related to what he had shared with me and thought it was cool. He had recruited me as a model for a video that he wanted to release and he needed a female lead and dancer. I took the opportunity and followed it. So included in the details that he gave me, he said he was still looking for a place to shoot the video, but he wasn't sure where.
A few weeks went by and we finally got things arranged, but he told me that we would be at his "boy's" house. I was slightly annoyed, it was Superbowl Sunday and I was a single lady, I could have totally been drinking at a sports bar and picking up some single men, but I decided to work instead.
I got the necessary information and decided "whatever, dating has been such an excruciating ordeal (See: "WoMan's Search for meaning series)", so taking some time to grow as an entertainer would be smart.
I arrived at this house, despite the obstacles, and when I got there, it was a unique setup. There was that charming photographer, that talked me into working with him on Superbowl Sunday, and yet another Single Sunday afternoon.
He introduced me to his boy and then they showed me the house. I did notice that his boy is more of the strong silent type.Throughout the night asked a question or two, but he didn't say much. A battle rapper, with few words. Observant. He was very hospitable. He was also the assistant and we spent the whole time working together, talking and so on. When we were done, he also shared his dinner. He was polite. Before I left, he gave me his number and we exchanged information.
I hit him up once, and the exchange was short and precise. I was sure that the night we met was it.
Later, I hit him up again, I let him know I was going to be in the area and invited him to hang. He didn't remember me, he asked me how I got his number (I know, it's not getting any better, but stay with me. It gets so much better).
So, after an ordeal, we finally met at a spot that we both knew fairly well. As we were getting seated we walked by a group of people at the table next to ours, and they were like,
"Hey."
Now I didn't know who these people were. I was actually quite curious as to why he was entertaining them, because the conversation had continued. The man at the other table, actually got up and came to our table and was like, "Who is this"?
Meanwhile, I was looking at him like... Is everything alright? I was unsure why this older man was at our table. I suddenly began to panic, like did this dude skip out on work? Was this a co-worker that was confused and calling him out?! Oh Lord! Did this dude just teeter the line and get caught?!? We all know how perfect that would be. I can feel my eyes change as I try to keep it together. I begin thinking if there could be any moment that could perfectly sum up how bad my judgment had become, this may be it! I begin praying, please don't this be the one!? Right Here! Being seen with the dude that called off work on some b.s and got caught! Which not only did he get caught, but got called out by his co-worker while out with me having dinner!? Really!? Really!? Yup! It was happening right in front of my face, the story to tell for the rest of my life. "The Date" that went so bad, it ended before we could even order our drinks!
I could only look at him praying that this worst case scenario was not happening. That I was not on that roll.
Meanwhile, he was frozen. He was fighting to arrange his thoughts. Then he was like, "this is strange". I was amused at his reaction, but not quite sure what all was going on, still hoping that he would be able to put my fear at ease. He finally sighed and said,
"This is my dad. This is my family."
I couldn't have been more relieved... and amused. I have never moved so fast to meet new people in my life. So grateful that these were strangers that I would like to see again, possibly one day, and not be dodging hoping that they don't remember me in that incident with "dad's former co-worker". After I was introduced to everyone and he did explain his day which was strange, but nothing I couldn't handle, we sat down and had a meal.
As I have gotten to know him, he has grown to get to know me. He is a sweet man that is considerate of others and mindful of how he treats those he is close to. He has made my life change. As I have been learning to go with the flow, he has provided a place for the flow of life that I can catch. He has helped me learn to manage my life and supported me through my own growth and changes in my life. He has been my friend and my lover. He has taken every chance to meet every challenge and given me a new motivation to find and understand my own challenges. Now that I have a man that is willing to meet me and go beyond, I have the space to dig within myself and grow better and stronger for him. Not use my energy on him, but become better for us. He gives me space to become better and in turn he meets me. We have done this for a while and I am enamored with him.
I was experiencing the challenges before so that I could grow for him. Dealing with all of the previous drama and imbalance to become a better woman for a better man. I had to give myself permission to know a better man, and then accept him.
