Purpose

So.... learning from my dating experiences (as I should be), I have realized that I don't ask for much from men.  A sense of self, the desire to build a community, and an understanding and appreciation that I am a woman about my business.  So respect me as I respect him, especially if right now I am working my tail off to keep food in my home with my dog and earn an advanced degree.  Considering that I could be on some other stuff, gaming men for money to get my hair and nails done.  Instead, I meet no good gold diggers that want to talk to me, but in their mind they are adding up my dollars trying to figure how to get into my life so they can spend the little bit of money that I may have.

The new dilemma is the desire for me to do "more."  What more can I do?  I am making time for a man in my life as it is.  In all honesty, I don't have time for myself, but maybe that is where I should start.  Instead of making time for a man in my life, maybe I should make time for myself and the right man will join me in the time that I make for myself.

It's really hard to be a woman that wants to take the time for myself, but I guess that's the part that has the most relevance, it's not easy.  We live in a world that demands so much of a person, but its not a person's money as much as a person's time that is demanded.  Especially in this age, when there is such an emphasis on time, high speed internet, "killing time," Paid-time off, vacation time, holidays, family time, I can go on and on.

I have decided that I do want to get married, I do want to have children to share my extra expensive education with.  I want to enjoy my life and engage people regarding all of the beauty that life has to offer, I want to share the joys of my life with someone when I have them.  There seems to always be something.  I guess I could take a weekend off and go out of town to appreciate that I do have Saturday and Sunday to appreciate the silence of life.

I guess it's just that once I start going hard, it's easy to forget that there are joys to life that I do miss.  I become so busy trying to survive that I forget that if I let things go for a day or two they will still be there in a day or two. Nothing takes care of itself.  I want to take a mini vacation so badly I can taste it.

Oh!  The beauty of getting out of this area for a day or two and tasting air from somewhere else.  Having a fresh and beautiful perspective on what the world has to offer.  I am talking myself into going somewhere else as I type.  Maybe spending time with someone that would embrace the visit.

Anyway, I have to remember that life gets hard at times, but survival mode is counter productive, in the end because survival is not just about meeting the barest of minimums, its about being able to embrace life though the barest of minimums are a squander away.

Screw it, I am going to do more than just survive life, I am going to live!!