In a new mindset, I decided that I will embrace life to my fullest, and borrow from life to see what is out there. It is a new world when a human being can help you see the error in your ways, and grow past the ignorance that ignorance bred within. I have had to deal with laziness, entitlement, arrogance, stupidity, insanity, irresponsibility, inconsistency, crudeness, and much much more. In the end it all took place to create a new place of understanding within myself.
Through the dating circus I have found that when I need to I can set boundaries and declare my own limits. I now understand that though many may not be able to show me that I am worth more than their bullshit, I am worth not only my choice of lifestyle, but the commitment and the commitment to commitment that comes with me.
There are not many men that can invest in a commitment to commitment (let alone understand it). In my experience in the world of loving to be loved and coming up short over and over again I have found that these have only added to my value and taken nothing away from me. As a person worth investment I am worth the time and fore thought of dating. I am worth the time of planning an outing or doing what I would like to do. So what brought me to this understanding??
I recently have found that the weight of my most recent experiences have brought me to a gem. I have found that I have had to learn that I have been put through the fire to be purified and made my most valuable. It is amazing how having beautiful people in my life has changed my perspective on the value of my life. How embracing others has allowed me to unfold into who I am and can truly be. It is the love of a supportive best friend, the support of a loving friend, the stability of a engaged and giving friend, the backing of a friend that keeps safe and stable distances. The gift of friendship in the form of excitement or sometimes silence. All of this in different people, or one person makes a difference and is valuable and beautiful. These people tore out the venomous dangers of my self defeating thinking and offered space for me to grow into a place of confident peace. With the love and support of others I have become stronger and better.
This is important because I have found a place where I am safe in a relationship. It was our friendship that nurtured me, and then we bloomed into a safe place secure for both of us.
He is rare and very hard to come by. Difficult to find when searching high and low and easy to lose because he is so quiet and mild mannered. He has a tendency to nurture and a need to care. These are strengths and weaknesses, blessings and curses because as a woman I misread his man.
I had a tendency to under appreciate my own beings (myself in reflection of them) and to only see them as something that I may break instead of someone that I should and can cherish. Those individuals that the universe gave me to as well as them to me. I only saw them as pure and crystal that I may damage, break, or shatter as opposed to someone beautiful of high value that others look at in awe. Losing themselves in the elegant depth of the genuine value and beauty that only God Himself could create. I have had these creatures fly impulsively into my life sense high school and I continuously gravitated to the less valuables that were around them. Only now to have been led indirectly into a dream that I had convinced myself could not exist. For the last month I have experienced what it is like to have a man's investment without destructive criticism. I have been embraced with one hand without the other slapping me in the face. I have been given a pain free investment, and I am so used to the gamble that I am expecting another hit.
It has been so rewarding to watch the maturity of what a man should be embrace my woman and validate my worth. So, cheers to knowing what appreciation feels like, Faith heals.
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