In my recent understanding that a group of men were trying to prey on my sweet nature, I realized that they wanted to pass me around like a joint. In realizing that this is their intention, I had to recognize that it came from a man that told me that he liked me, shared in depth thoughts with me for months and has told me intimate parts about himself, told me about his parents. He told me about his education, shared with me about girlfriend's, previous relationships, experiences as a lover, boyfriend, man that has experienced life. Not only sharing with me, but he took intimate parts of me. He wanted to know "everything about me he should know" so I told him, I told him about my trainwreck of a previous relationship and how my life was threatened. I told him about how my family had mistreated and walked over me, I told him about how I only try to be the best that I can be to everyone that I encounter because there is so much negativity in the world, and not enough consideration of others. Only for him to prey on my sense of respect for him, left me questioning myself. My integrity is great and paramount to me. To think that these individuals had only the intent to destroy what and who I am. To think that I had allowed this man to know the greatness of who I am, and he could only see me as a meal for he and his friends to devour, left me thinking. Where is my vision that I would allow such a wolf to get into my heart and leave a distaste so foul?
In my new understanding of my naivety, I have realized that my intention for other's is great and there is nothing wrong with trying to be the best person I can be. What is wrong is that I have been blind to the lies of such mayhem for so long. I am now able to see my issues as a woman and now need to find a way to be a woman not a gullable little girl willing to open my trust to a monster who only wants to destroy it. It is now time for me to become a woman.
I decided to begin this blog with the understanding that this transition is important for me as a woman to be able to love myself and any person that would like to be a candidate for my completion. It is paramount that I take the steps necessary to cut out the people that only take from me, and to only open my life to people that are going to be what I need when I need them.
With that stated, I had many friends that were with me when I graduated from highschool, but when I went to college, they allowed me to sit far away by myself without them to come visit me. I would go home and see them and take time out of my life to dedicate to them, and now that I am at another school far away, they have yet (with the exception of a couple) to come to visit me. I have decided, soul devouring people are now being cut out of my life, for they only contribute to me reaching out to monsters that I hope will help me restore where I have been wounded.
It is time to lose the excess baggage!
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